a sweet pile of lies.

stab her.
make it hurt.
make her feel
it in her veins.

cut her.
sharp and deep.
spill her insides
on the dusty floor.

make it seem
like it was all her fault.
and show her
you don't love her anymore.

tell her you lied.
tell her you regret it all.
tell her that forever
was a stupid figment
of a young imagination.

make her
want to
kill you.

you know how
to tear her down.
do it.
do it.
do it.

hold your breath
and say it was
never, ever love.

"i was only
ever using you."
"it was only
about the sex."

"my heart never beat
for you like i said it did."
"i love him more than
i could ever love you."

and when she's
bruised and beaten
and sobbing
on the floor,
then you walk away.

don't let her see
that it was all a lie
to give her a reason
to find a better life.
and never
let her
see you
cry.

don't worry. i do.

i always thought i'd miss you.
i always thought that we were that forever love.
when i noticed you were always pretending,
i still always thought i'd miss you.

i thought you'd torment my dreams.
i thought someone else's touch would burn.
i thought i wouldn't get lost in new eyes.
i thought my hands would always be empty.
but now i'm sleeping fine,
held through sweet nights in an other's arms
deeply lost in the way he looks at me,
our hands entwined.

it has rained every day
since i told you i was leaving.
have you noticed that at all?
maybe the world is mourning our love
or cleansing the future
for a greater one.

i always thought i'd miss you -
your skin, your arms, your kiss,
the way you smiled when you
weren't thinking of anyone else.

i always thought i'd miss you -
cold things on my head when i was sick,
snap peas and health food stores,
goodwill hunting and bookstores.

i always thought i'd miss you -
my muse on photography afternoons,
three hour naps and no sleeping,
roosters, newspapers and christmas.

i always thought i'd miss you -
even though we're not
the love i always hoped for,
even though forever has changed;

i always thought i'd miss you -
in the silent times,
when there's no one to distract me,
don't worry. i do.