we were never lovers.

silent all these years,
i cannot help but miss her,
my sweet marianne.

a thought.

karma's happening
everywhere i turn and i
wonder if i'm next.

soon.

maybe it's the thrill of
the secrets and the shadows.
or the distraction i needed
so i wouldn't drown.

either way,
i'll hold my breath.
it will be over soon.

suffocate me.

extinguish me between your fingers.
put me out.
                         switch me off.

       i don't want this fire
     when all i do is burn.



   charred skin and
      smoke in your eyes -
          a lasting impression.

drown me in a silent sleep.

too late

by the way,
what could i say?
i've never had the answers
to the whys and hows.
   i simply do and
   i simply feel and
why am i always expected
to have a reason?

somewhere in time
   we forgot how
     to choose instinct,
       choose passion
         instead of questions.
flip a coin to decide your fate
  instead of choosing to feel.

i'd like to meet the Man
   who made the rules
     and place the blame
     for our shrinking brains.
but no one will believe me
until pens are antiques
and we live on battery powered feelings.

chose to live now
before you forget how.
it's never going to be easy
but at least it wont be too late.

revenge

"i wish you knew what it was about me"
he says and i say "i just don't know."
maybe it was jumping street lines
and locked doors but maybe
that's the game he plays.


there's nothing in particular about me,
just the conquest of getting
what you're not supposed to have
served with a side of revenge.

i wont be held down.

things are changing.
time is moving in a way
that i have never seen before
or grasped before.
growing up, growing out
and tugging at the strings
i've tied so tightly
to keep me in place.

like a balloon that
knows where it wants to go
but doesn't want to leave
the crying child behind.

a new face, a new stance,
reformed and yet steady.
the right guidance, this time.
i know she wont
let me lose me.

i never, ever wanted
to consider myself and adult.
i still don't. i still wont.
and that fact is why
i must will succeed.

'growing up isn't always fun. they tore your dress and stole your ribbons. they see you cry, they lick their lips. butterflies don't belong in nets..' -tori amos